Continuing from my previous post…
As I came out of meditation, my legs were already feeling numb due to prolonged sitting. I unfolded my legs with my hands and rubbed them for a while till I could feel a tingling sensation. However, it took me another couple of minutes till I could actually stand on my feet. Even as I was trying to come to terms with my own body, I noticed that a few other sensations had started to emerge…
I was beginning to feel happier and more content. Simultaneously, those feelings kept intensifying, with every passing minute. Eventually, everyone and everything began to appear so lovable that I remember stopping by just to appreciate the wooden door of my room; Even my father seemed lovable at that time! 🙂
It all seems pretty stupid now but, back then, it was so enjoyable 🙂 …like I was under the influence of some kind of a strong intoxicant!
Just to be clear, “I wasn’t!”
Although, I would still love to experience those feelings again and again, yet I am a bit afraid…
You see, even as I was enjoying those raptures of bliss, I was becoming aware of my own limitations too. There was a point when I felt – “any more of this bliss and I would die of happiness!”
I realized – It is not just difficult to contain grief, containing happiness is no less a challenge in itself!
Those waves of euphoria drowned all my desires.
That night, I didn’t eat my dinner, didn’t watch TV , didn’t listen to music, didn’t read a book, didn’t talk to a friend, didn’t do anything! I didn’t feel like doing anything, except maybe swing and dance a little (and I never ever dance! never ever!). However, my body was already swaying, as if it had a mood of its own, so I decided it was better to stay in my room. I didn’t want to frighten my family!
I don’t exactly remember how that night passed, but all I remember is pacing around my room, sitting down for a while, lying down in a half awake state, and then doing those same things again and again, trying hard to fall asleep. The next thing I remember is my alarm clock reminding me that it is time to get ready.
That day was a very important one.
As I got ready for the 2 hour journey to the neighboring city, where the counseling for MBBS was scheduled, I found out that my father was also accompanying me. Evidently, the pacifying effects of the previous night were still prevailing because I didn’t seem to mind his company. On the contrary, my father seemed to be anxious about me!
You see, I have a naturally sad looking face! People often inquire if I’m feeling alright, even when I’m actually feeling peaceful. Although, a night had passed since I experienced those feelings of bliss, they were still present in copious amounts, enough to give a hint of persistent smile on my face. My parents and sister found that look very unusual. Probably, that smile worsened my naturally sad looks by giving me a psycho like appearance…
Anyways, whatever it was, my family was worried to see me in that state and thought I was taking my admissions too seriously! Hence my father decided to accompany me on my trip.
During my travel I kept myself busy appreciating the greenery of the fields, the dark clouds of the monsoons, and the beauty of the drizzle striking the glass panes of my bus. It still amazes me how quickly that journey ended, even with the constant inquiries by my father about my health, my probability of getting admission in MBBS, and worries that we might be getting late.
The day passed very much in the same state- my father being anxious and I being in, whatever state it was…
Forget anxiety, I couldn’t have been more peaceful at that time, or any other time in my life!
I was offered a place in a dental college, which I declined (as I wanted to study medicine rather than dentistry), and decided to wait for the next counseling, in the hope of getting a seat in a medical college.
That night, we stayed at my sister’s house, in the same city, and the next morning we took off for our home. I still remember my father discussing with fellow passengers, in the train, about my blunder of not securing a place in a dental college. I thought, the anger I felt at time was my usual response towards my father but then I realized I was no longer feeling all that bliss and ecstasy that were enthralling me for the past 24 hours. I wasn’t feeling them since the time I woke up that morning!
As I reached my home, I was becoming angry at, just about, anything and everything! My feelings seemed to have taken a U-turn – from normal – to ecstasy – to normal, and then transformed into anger! I went off to sleep, to cool off my anger, and yet when I woke up in the afternoon, my state was no different. It was so bad that I threw my slippers at my dog….and believe me, I love my dog and I would have never done anything to hurt him, normally…
At the same time, one of my childhood friends arrived and we decided to go somewhere else and talk. I told him about the recent events and, surprised as he was, he believed me. Childhood friends are special because of this very reason – they have known you for a while and instinctively know when you are lying and when you are telling a truth. However, my friend suggested that my anger may be because of the delay in fulfillment of my future plans.
We were standing on the roof of a building, when suddenly a brazen thought crossed my mind… “I could jump down and still not get hurt”. I quickly backed off a few steps and told my friend that it’s time we should go home.
Now I knew something was definitely wrong with me!
This was when I decided to contact Chhotu, who suggested that I could get my answers from Lambu and that we should go and meet Lambu.
That was the first time I visited Lambu’s house and I was greeted by Lambu’s mother, a very spiritual lady who had been practicing meditation for years.
I repeated my story, from beginning to end, and they all listened intently. Finally, Lambu’s mother told me that I had received a Shaktipat!
“A what?” I exclaimed!
It’s true that I had previously read about Shaktipat in that book Chhotu gave me, but Shaktipat was supposed to be given by a Guru to a worthy disciple. Neither did I have a Guru nor was I a worthy person!
Then Lambu removed the covering of brown paper, which had been put on that book, I was talking about, and I saw that on the book’s back cover it was mentioned that many people have received Shaktipat not only by reading that book, but also, just by seeing Baba’s pictures.
“That’s not possible” I argued! The reason being, the man I saw during meditation was not the same person as Baba. Baba had a very dark complexion and had facial features which were very different from those of the man I saw during meditation.
So, they showed me a number of other photographs of Baba and I was surprised to see that in a few of them, specifically those of his younger years, his face seemed quite similar to that of the man I saw in my vision. Yet, I could not find the exact same image I saw during meditation, at least not at that time!
“But still, what about the complexion”, I asked, since the man I saw in my vision had a fair and glowing complexion, unlike Baba.
Lambu’s mother suggested a possibility that what I saw during meditation may not have been a physical body but rather, a subtle body and hence the difference in color.
I was still not convinced!
What about the anger and the other bad feelings that I was going through? Shaktipat is supposed to be a good event, right?
So, she gave me another book of Baba and said that I will find all my answers in that book. I was about to skim through it there and then, but she insisted that I read that book very carefully, from start to finish, but only when I had ample amount of time.
So, I thanked them, took the book and left, still confused, but with a hope that I will get my answers soon.
That night I waited until I had had my dinner and afterwards I started reading that book. By that time my anger had already been subdued. The book was relatively thin but it took me more time to finish that book because each and every page was filled with exquisite knowledge, explaining and revealing mysteries of Shaktipat and Kundalini awakening. I was further surprised to find a mention about various feelings and swaying of body, similar to those which I had experienced.
It was mentioned in that book, that, after receiving Shaktipat from a capable Guru, the process of Kundalini awakening is inevitable, irrespective of the time it takes. However, some people experience its effects sooner than others. Furthermore, the experiences of Kundalini awakening may vary from person to person, depending upon their tendencies. The experiences may be extremely subtle or very intense. Some people may experience waves of energy and bliss, some experience anger and depression, and yet others experience several body movements, which can be very rigorous, sometimes. It was explained that Kundalini awakening provides spiritual experiences which are particularly specific to the recipient.
There are many other symptoms of Kundalini awakening, which I may discuss in another post…However there is one very important point that needs to be clarified right now.
There is one major distinction between the symptoms of Kundalini awakening and those of Psychosis:
The symptoms of Kundalini Awakening, like feelings of bliss, happiness, anger, grief or depression are experienced for a relatively shorter duration of time compared to those of Psychosis which may exist continuously for months at a stretch.
In my case the symptoms lasted for a little more than 24 hours!
After reading that book, all of my fears and suspicions were pacified and were replaced by an understanding that something extremely good was happening to me!
That very night, I realized that I had been initiated into a very strange but uplifting journey and yet, I was still ignorant about the wonders that were waiting for me in the days to come!
13 years ago, today was the same day I received my initiation and this post is dedicated to the grace which Baba showered upon me that night!