Even after receiving Shaktipat, my spiritual journey remained rather calm but progressive for the first two months. Eventually, there came a point when I didn’t need to make efforts to meditate – meditation happened spontaneously and for exact timings. I could be watching television or reading a book and suddenly my eyes would begin to droop, my mind would go blank and I would automatically slip into meditation (Thankfully it never happened while I was driving or attending classes 🙂 ) . However, although, meditation became a regular activity, still, apart from Kriyas and vivid dreams, very little happened on my spiritual front. That is, until the Saptami of Navratri (4th Oct 2000), when I had an experience that shook my entire belief system to the core. It was a night I can never forget!
You see, the reason I never took spontaneous kriyas too seriously was because the same kriyas could be performed voluntarily too! The only difference would be that I would feel the effort and exertion if I tried performing those kriyas voluntarily but felt free and relaxed when those Kriyas happened spontaneously. Furthermore, I could always stop those Kriyas at my will, even though they happened spontaneously. This gave me a sense of power, a sense of control over what was happening with my body…
But that night I lost that control! It seemed as if commands from my brain got intercepted at my brain itself. Those impulses of voluntarily control could arise in my brain but would not reach the body parts I wanted to control. It seemed as if my brain and body were two separate autonomous entities!
Ok, enough of my rant…
That night, when I sat for meditation, the usual neck and spine kriyas started. Then, suddenly, like a flash, an image crossed my closed eyes. It wasn’t a vision (like the vision of that man I described in The Initiation – part 1 – The Vision ), rather it was like an image created in the mind’s canvas when a thought crosses our mind. The image was that of a Durga statue, like one of those constructed during Navaratri (so maybe it was the occasion of Navaratri that inspired my subconscious to create that image). Whatever the reason, before I could think of anything else, the head of that statue got replaced by that of a live person and then immediately the image disappeared. All this happened within a span of 1 or 2 seconds.
Then, all of a sudden, the speed of my Kriyas increased tremendously! My body started rotating and revolving so vigorously that it was some sort of miracle that I didn’t tumble down from my bed. Next, my mouth opened and kept opening wider till it felt as if the corners of my mouth would tear apart. My tongue popped out and dropped down, almost touching my chin. Simultaneously, my eyes opened wide, my eyeballs rolled upwards, and my eyebrows got lifted high up too. I also started emitting certain deep sounds with my throat.
In short I became a perfect exorcism material! 😛
At that time I was indeed frightened but I didn’t try stopping those movements because this time I wanted to witness the experience in its fullness rather than interrupting it like my previous vision. Then, while those rigorous kriyas were still happening, my body started bending forwards and downwards from my waist. Since my body was still stiff, it was painful when those bending movements began to happen. The good part was that the downward & forward bending didn’t happen in a single smooth motion; rather the movements occurred in a series of forward bends and retractions – each time bending a little more downwards than the previous time (my English is not so good so I may not be describing it properly). Anyways, after a point of time the pain became unbearable and I decided that I had to finally stop those movements forcefully …. and boy was that a shock! It was as if my body refused to listen to my brain…Forget the rest of the body, I couldn’t even close my mouth and eyes! I still retained control on my thoughts though!
To my horror, despite the pain, my body kept bending downwards until my head touched the mattress and then it got stuck there. I was making muffled sounds of pain while remaining transfixed in that position but all I could do was to witness that pain and whatever else that was happening. Finally, after a couple of minutes, just like a switch being turned off, I regained control of my body and then quickly unfolded my legs and came out of that pose. It was then that I noticed –
I was shivering with cold and my teeth were chattering as if I had just come out of a freezer (although it was the month of October and the weather was still quite warm in my city). Furthermore, despite feeling cold, there were droplets of sweat on my forehead (but I think it could have been because of all that exercise, or even fear). Nevertheless, I quickly came out of my room to get some water to drink but met my mother on my way, who, upon seeing my state, got concerned.
It’s true, telling my mother about that incident was a big mistake but at that time I was so overwhelmed by that experience that I blurted out every detail in front of my mother. I didn’t realize, by doing so, I was sowing seeds of suspicion in my mother’s mind. It’s true that I was dumb for telling her those things back then and I am still stupid for writing all those experiences again in this blog. But then, there’s always been this compelling thought in my mind “what if there are other individuals who are undergoing similar experiences and facing difficulties like I did?” If my posts could ease such individuals, even a little, by just assuring that they are not alone, then I really don’t care about what anyone else thinks about my sharing of such experiences.
Ok, back to the topic…
I later learnt that – the forward and downward bending movement, while sitting in a Padmasana, leading to the head touching the floor is a particularly important asana or posture called – the ‘Yoga-Mudra’ or the ‘Yogamudrasana’.
According to Sivananda (and other saints too), Yogamudra helps to awaken the Kundalini Shakti (source: http://www.sivanandaonline.org/public_html/?cmd=displaysection§ion_id=1462&parent=638&format=html ) and it is also particularly significant that the Yogamudra is associated with the Manipura Chakra (source: http://www.welcometoyoga.com/YogaAsanas/YogaMudrasana ).
I will write about the significance of the above experience and how it relates with my spiritual progress (Kundalini awakening and the Manipura Chakra) in my next post. Till then, have faith that Kundalini is a benevolent power. There’s nothing sinister or evil about it. It’s true that Kundalini experiences can be initially frightening but that is only to drive away the weak-willed people. Additionally, some people may have an extremely subtle Kundalini awakening experience (in contrast to over-the-top ones like mine) and it doesn’t make their experience any less stronger than mine (or vice versa)! In fact what type of experience a person will have, depends upon that person themselves and is decided by Kundalini itself (who is supremely free and bestows individual experiences based upon a person’s spiritual make-up, ‘sanskaras’, and accumulated karma over the scores of lifetimes).
I can confirm from my own spiritual journey that there are numerous divine and beautiful experiences associated with kundalini – experiences that I couldn’t find in any other activity. Because of that same reason, even after quitting meditation for almost 7-8 years, I’m back at the feet of mother Kundalini, again!
It’s like –
“Once you have tasted flight, you will forever walk the earth with your eyes turned skyward, for there you have been, and there you will always long to return.”
― Leonardo da Vinci