Surrender

Back Again

So … I’m writing this after a long long time!

I started this blog when I decided to resume my spiritual practices after a big hiatus. But back then I was going through a hard time and I thought resumption of meditation would somehow make it all better in my life. However things went from bad to worse. At one point of time I started questioning myself whether meditation was easing my troubles or making them even worse. I fought with this dilemma for quite some time but finally gave up. I gave up on my spiritual pursuits so that I could tackle the world in a worldly manner. But little did I know that worst was yet to come… and it did come!

Now I realize that leaving my spiritual practices was a BIG mistake. What if my spiritual practices were the only thing saving me from my worst? I left God’s side, trying to fight my battles alone, thinking that God isn’t shielding me from my problems. When in reality, God may have been the only one standing between me and my problems, constantly softening their blows so that they didn’t hurt me with their full might.

However, since leaving meditation only made things worst so one thing is clear that meditation wasn’t the culprit behind my sufferings. If anything, it was only helping me retain my sanity. So now I’m trying to get back on my spiritual track once again but with a better understanding about perspectives. Cos it was my flawed perspective which made me think that my spiritual pursuits are bringing hardships in my life. The reality could have been totally opposite. My meditation could have been the only thing which was mitigating the blows of hardships which HAD to come anyways in my life. After all, who can escape karma? Not even Narayan!

So from the past few days, I have resumed my practice. Though I have just begun and yet to regain my form, the good thing is that I have at least started… and it feels great to be back…. to where I truly belong!

Hope I don’t lose momentum this time.

Om Namah Shivay

Updated on Mar 18, 2021 :

Mysterious are the ways of Guru. I had been pondering on the topic of karma and its relation with my life & spiritual practices … so now he guides me to this book “In the Company of a Siddha”. Here I find not only the explanation of my queries but also the solution. Thank you so much Gurudev for your guidance 🙏

Here’s the excerpt from that book –

It’s about Dreams Again

I have already mentioned about a similar dream in one of my earlier posts but I thought that it was just a ‘once in a blue moon’ kind of thing but now such dreams have become a routine rather than a rarity.

For the last 10-15 days or so, even if I sleep for 4-5 hours, when I wake up from sleep, I remember spending at least 2 days and nights in a dream (or dreams) within those few hours of sleep. Sometimes I even spend like 4 consecutive days & nights in a single night’s dream/dreams.

Another fact that stands out is that in almost all these dreams I see my childhood or teenage years. I even see those friends and acquaintances who I thought I had already forgotten. If someone were to mention their names a few days back I would have asked “who?” but in my dreams I not only remembered their names and faces but also their specific traits/habits.

Sometimes I even see dreams where I wake from a dream and tell others about the dream that I saw last night (while still being in a dream) and then go about spending another few more days & nights in the same dream (or other dreams in the same night – not sure about that). It’s like my subconscious is trying to find or remind me of something from my earlier years … but, in at least one of those dreams, I seemed to know that it’s just a dream (lucid dreaming).

Whatever it is, I have ignored it for long but now I really have to dig into the reasons…cos it’s kinda bothering me now!

Just a Quick Update

I was reading a book – “Autobiography of a Natha Siddha Yogi” by Vibhakar Lele when I came across an interesting bit of information regarding Kundalini activation and Manipura Chakra. The following piece of information (screen-shot from the aforementioned book) offers another perspective on my own spiritual experiences as mentioned in “Kundalini experiences part 4” and “Kundalini, Chakras, and Spiritual Evolution”.

 

Being an Atheist

Recently, I was invited to attend a religious ceremony in my extended family but, as usual, I politely declined. That’s when the other person said that he was afraid I’m becoming an atheist. To be honest, I was a little amused at his assumption but I can understand… I’ve given him enough reasons to think like that…

You see, I’m not very fond of marking my attendance at social religious ceremonies or ringing bells in far-off temples at mountain-tops. Furthermore, unwillingly doing such things just to portray a religious self in the society seems a little pretentious to me.

The truth is – I don’t claim to be a religious person and I don’t think I’m a very spiritual person either. I get angry easily… my thoughts are often impure and my actions are nothing to talk about proudly. I also do not remember God very frequently…however, when I do, my feelings are rather genuine and heartfelt (at least that’s what I’d like to believe)…. And I believe it’s the feelings that make all the difference! A statue may be stone for one person but God for another…

I believe that – one can offer grains in a Havan (scared fire-altar) during a religious ceremony OR one can eat his daily food with a feeling that it is being offered to God who has taken the form of digestive fire/power in the stomach…. One can wait for hours in a crowded line to get the Charanamrit (sacred water) in a temple OR one can drink ordinary water at his home with a feeling that the same God who has become thirst has also become water to quench the thirst! An even better thing would be to feel that the same God who has become hunger, thirst, fruit and water has also become the one who is enjoying that food and water. This way the divisive feeling of ‘I’ disappears and only God remains. Feeling/thinking in such a manner converts acts as simple as eating and drinking into worship of God…

However, society or the so called ‘believers’ might perceive my thoughts, about worshipping, as ramblings of some misguided soul. To convince such people I would like to quote a verse in Saundarya Lahari, a highly respected text in the Sri Vidya tradition, where Adi Guru Shankaracharya worships Goddess Lalita Tripursundari in the following manner-

Source – Saundarya Lahari – by Swami Vishnu Tirtha (1949)

Or – (English Translation)

Source – Saundarya lahari – by S. S. Shastri and T. R. S. Ayyangar (1948)

Reading this verse only strengthened my belief that my thoughts about worshiping God are not unfounded.

Finally, I would like to say that – just as going to a temple doesn’t make someone a believer, the same way – NOT going to a temple doesn’t make someone a non-believer either! Therefore, just because I avoid rituals and formal worship doesn’t necessarily mean that I’m an atheist; it just means that I follow a different approach towards worshiping God! For me God doesn’t live in heaven, sky, or in temples. For me God is here and now.

However, how much of my beliefs I actually put into my day-to-day actions is yet another matter… and no excuses for that!

Oh, but wait! I’m a Libran…

Lazy Librans… sound familiar?

Reminder about doing Mantra Japa…

This post is inspired by the chapter– ‘The Cycle of the Mind’, from the book – ‘Happy for No Good Reason’ – by Swami Shankarananda.

p.s. – Even though I’m still reading the book, I can safely say that ‘Happy for No Good Reason’ (Swami Shankarananda, 2004), is a must read for anyone who is interested in meditation, self-help, or better living!